Deeply rooted within nearly all men at midlife are thoughts of success, responsibilities, fulfilling dreams, and expanding the family vision for perpetuating the family legacy.
Men are saddled with the responsibilities: to envision or see for the family, build our businesses or careers, and fund the dreams and aspirations of our family and wards. As able men at middle age, we are also supposed to meet the unique emotional, physical, intimate, social, physiological, mental, and magical needs of our “significant other.” The diverse multilevel communities we live in also expect us to become active collaborators and contributors to the growing needs of the community.
Men are also faced with the silent and mature man-to-man social strata comparison and the desire and pull to belong to the “King of Boys” at the right “table.” Can you relate to this? Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the expectations placed on you just because you are “a man”?
As you think about these things, you will see the huge rapid-white-water pressures that middlescent men face daily and the incredible capacity to remain calm and silent under these extreme conditions. Sometimes, you see some middle-aged men quake and crack under these pressures, exhibiting antisocial vices, sometimes nearly destroying the family fabric, yet they hardly have the right support structures and oasis to provide guidance for realignment and recovery.
Some men were taught that keeping silent while dying is cool and expressing your weakness or crying confirms that you are not a man.
Even when most men are sick, in extreme business trouble, or facing extreme darkness, their “significant other” is unaware and when most men are asked – what is the matter? – Their answer is like a recorded, cracked DVD – Nothing – I’m sorting out issues. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to speak out. It’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay not to be strong all the time. You are human, remember that.
As men, we need to realize that as we progress through time and middle age, there are issues we can unbundle and resolve with some help and support from others. Asking for support and direction is not a sign of weakness, showing vulnerability to the right person(s) does not make you less of a capable man, owning your mistakes and making attempts to correct them is not wrong, showing deep love and expressive affection to your children and significant other does not make you a “softie.”
You will try ideas, businesses, projects – some will succeed and others will fail face down, - it’s okay, it’s all part of the learning process. Your biggest asset is your ability to pick up the pieces with a sense of humility and yet a deep sense of pride to attempt a new thing.
If Thomas Edison gave up, the light bulb may never have been invented. Your world is waiting for you; your inventions and innovations will bring value to the world, so don’t give up!
The real issue here is your mindset and ability to see that you are fallible but graced because you are a man. So, “my guy” – wake up and smell the “dusty rain.” You have to take charge and provide shelter for your family. If you crashed or made mistakes before, be proud of your attempts because success is drawing near.
Every mistake is a learning opportunity for progress but you must first be willing to reexamine your strategies and discover new approaches. You have to believe that you can get it right and you will receive grace and insight to get it right.
You have to make sacrifices and put in the work because your children need a role model and a life coach to take them through the creeks, deserts, valleys, oceans, and mountains of life.
So, encourage yourself and GO!
“Me too... let-me-come-and-be-going.”
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Article by:
Oye Stir (The Midlife Coach)
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